The Midnight Drive
by TheAlmightyUltimix
Summary: In their adult lives, Phineas and Ferb rarely get to spend some brotherly time together. Taking a drive up the mountain helps them take the edge off their busy lives and catch up with each other. The fact that there's a man tied up in the trunk should be completely irrelevant.


On a cool Autumn night in the mountains of the Tri-State area, a lone car was steadily making its way up the rarely used dirt road.

"Jesus, I swear we lost the bumper on that one." Phineas turned in the passenger seat and tried to look out of the back window, but it was impossible to see out of it because of the darkness outside and the multiple cracks that stretched along it. Just then, the car lurched as one of the front wheels ran over a pot hole, causing Phineas to be thrown into the filthy looking door. "Son of a bitch, does this car even have suspension?"

The other occupant in the car said nothing, only rolling his eyes at his brother's behavior.

"That's easy for you to say, your seat actually has a seat belt." Phineas made a face of disgust when he noticed that a large amount of dirt had stuck to his sleeve.

Ferb watched Phineas out of the corner of his eye as he tried to the dirt away. He had forgotten how easily and accurately Phineas could read his body language and the subtle changes in his facial expressions. This had been the first time they had actually spent any length of time together where they weren't surrounded by cooperate executives, other share holders, being bombarded by demands from people who thought they knew everything but don't even have a quarter of their individual , or pathetic suck ups trying to win themselves favors as if the standard six thousand dollar Christmas bonus that was given to all employees of the two hundred and something companies they owned wasn't generous enough. But that's what happens when you're a multi-trillionaire and a husband, guy time took a backseat to everything else.

"What did you even pay for this thing?" Phineas said, trying to find a position in the seat where he felt that he wouldn't be at risk of one the metal rods sodomizing him on the next bump.

A few loud bangs came from the back of the car.

"Forty,"

Phineas ceased his complaining and stared at his brother, slack jawed. "Forty?" He said with disbelief. "You payed forty thousand dollars for this piece of shit? Ferb, the entire dealership you bought this from probably wasn't even worth that much money!"

"I didn't buy it from a dealership." Ferb snapped. He gave a sideways glare to his brother for assuming he would be so stupid as to spend so much money without a good cause. "I bought it from a low class family that was asking for less than twenty times what I bought it for."

"Oh... well, good for you." Phineas said, then grunted when another pot hole caused him to bang his knee against the dashboard. He let out a couple of choice words and rubbed his sore knee. "So, the world cup is starting soon, you looking forward to that?"

Ferb grinned, swerving to try and avoid a bad bump in the road.

More loud noises sounded from the trunk.

"I know the girls aren't that big on watching the game, so what I was thinking was we could send them to this really high class spa that's up town for the entire day so we can watch the first game together."

Ferb nodded.

"Then we've got a meeting that supposed to run all day on the second game, but I figured if we pull an all nighter or two we can reschedule it for earlier and then we can sneak into your office for the rest of the day and watch the second game."

Again, Ferb nodded.

"I haven't figured out how we're going to sneak away for the third game, but I'm sure something will come to me."

"Why don't we just schedule the day off work and tell our wives we want to watch the game together?"

Phineas blinked, staring at his brother. Then, with a completely straight face, said, "Well, where's the fun in that?"

Both of them shared a good laugh that lasted for nearly a minute.

Neither of them paid attention the the frantic banging in the back.

"Hey, remember when we were kids and built the football X-7?" Phineas choked, trying and failing to hold in some laughter. "Remember when Baljeet got nailed in the crotch with the ball?"

Ferb snorted and doubled over, gripping the steering wheel. He had forgotten about that little injury their friend had sustained years ago.

"Oh man, those were good times." Phineas happily sighed, a far away look in his eyes.

"Does he still flinch whenever a football comes towards him?"

Phineas laughed, "Oh yeah, man you should see it, his hands immediately shoot down to protect himself whenever something 's coming his way." Phineas suddenly let out a louder laugh. "O-one time Isabella came into my office with me and Baljeet came in to get the master key ring. So Isabella lobbed them to him and he went to protect his self, only had had a cup of coffee in his hand, so he ended up dumping the entire thing on his crotch!"

The two men howled with laughter, to the point where Ferb had to stop driving for a few minutes until they got themselves under control.

After a few more minutes of reminiscing about the past, small talk, driving, and Phineas swearing up a storm every time a bump in the road caused him physical injury, they came to their destination. The dirt trail ended, leading to a grassy cliff that overlooked most of the forest outside of Danville. Ferb drove off the road, pulling up only a few feat shy of the cliff's edge.

"You get the front, I'll get the back." Phineas said, holding up a screw driver. It only took half a minute for the two to remove the license plates from the car. Ferb took the license plate from his brother and pulled two metallic boxes with straps on them from the backseat of the car. "What's our alibi this time?"

"We decided to take off from work early tonight to go see the new Space Adventure reboot." Ferb said, stuffing the license plates in a compartment of the metal boxes. "By the way, here's your ticket." Ferb said, reaching into his jacket and giving said ticket to Phineas.

"Alright-y, I think that's everything." Ferb nodded.

Both of them walked to the trunk of the car where an incessive banging had began a few minutes ago. Ferb popped the trunk open, revealing a middle age man with thinning brown hair and brown eyes. He was wearing a suit similar to Phineas and Ferb, but his didn't look nearly as expensive. Also, his arms and legs had been bound together by duck tape and he had a large strip of the same stuff covering his mouth.

"Hello Mr. Pantilitous, how's your night been going so far?" Phineas asked with a smile.

Mr. Pantilitous glared at them both, the bruise on his left eye that had caused it to swell shut hampering its affect. The man thrashed against his bindings, screaming something incomprehensible at the two of them.

"Believe me, the drive up wasn't all sunshine and rainbows for us either." Phineas said, still not dropping his carefree smile.

"I'm sure you have questions as to why we've brought you out here."

"Right, brother of mine." Phineas clasped his and on Ferb's shoulder. "See, we know you stole thirty thousand dollars from Fynntech back in January. Now don't try and deny it, we showed several other contractors the before and after pictures for the "mandatory renovations" and each one of them gave us a number far under what you paid for it." Ferb snorted in amusement, it sounded more like Phineas was lecturing a child than a grown man they had tied up. "We also took the liberty of checking all those secret bank accounts you have over seas, and we know the contracting company you hired, the one owned by you nephew in case you thought we wouldn't figure that out, and we know he wired the thirty thousand dollars you overpaid him."

Mr. Pantilitous was no longer glaring, but now wide eyed with fear.

"Now, don't worry, we're not going to kill you nephew, we know how hard it can be when you're just starting out in the business world and a need for money can make men with the strongest of character do some pretty bad things." Phineas clasped his hands together his happy smile turning sinister. "You on the other hand, you disgusting piece of shit, not only stole our money, but you used you nephew to do it."

"Thirty thousand dollars is nothing to us, we make more than twice that in a day."

"Right, so why are we even bothering with this?" Phineas leaned down closer to Mr. Pantilitous, his blue eyes hard and cold like diamonds. "See, you didn't just steal money from us." Phineas's tone was low and sent a shiver of dread down the other man's spine. "Every company that we own donates a percentage of its profits to charities all over the world, the more money one company makes, the more money that is donated. So when you stole money from our company, you weren't just stealing money from us, we would have simply fired you for that."

"You stole money from people who need it, and we won't let you have another chance to do it again."

Mr. Pantilitous let out a muffled scream as Ferb slammed the lid closed. He went up to and got into the divers side door, keeping his foot on the breaks while he put the car in neutral. He got out and gave Phineas a nod. Phineas nodded back and began to push against the trunk. Ferb followed suit, pushing on the frame with one hand while keeping the wheel straight with the other. Finally, they rolled the front wheels over the edge of the cliff and gravity did the rest of the work for them. The car disappeared over the cliff and landed on the ground below with a mighty crash.

Phineas and Ferb peered over the ledge at the crumpled mangle of metal below. "That's weird, the fuel tank should have exploded when-" A deafening bang cut him off mid sentence and caused them both to stumble back. "Never mind,"

The two brothers stayed where they were for a few minutes, watching the flames burning away.

"You know Ferb," Ferb turned to look at him, still staring at the car. "I'm not quite sure about this, but I think he's dead." They both shared another quick laugh, walking away from the edge.

"Is Isabella expecting you back soon?" Ferb asked, picking up one of the metal boxes and slipping his arms though the straps like a backpack.

"I don't think so, why?" Phineas asked, doing the same.

"I didn't have a chance to eat anything before we headed out and I was going to check out that new steak house that opened up by the office, care to join me?"

"Sure, I haven't had a good steak in ages." Both of them clicked a button on the sides of their boxes and instantly a pair of miniature jet engines sprouted from the sides. "Jet-packs, still one of our best inventions."

"I can't believe they never caught on." The two of them shot into the sky, heading back towards town.

"Hey that reminds me, do you remember the time..." Their voices faded as they flew farther and farther away, leaving the flaming wreck behind.


End file.
